Here I Go Again!

   * So, obviously it has been a while since I have posted anything. In fact, I'm not a good blogger at all. I kind of think of it a long the lines of homework and cleaning (both make me cringe). But here and now I vow to be a better blogger, or at least check in more then once in every two years.  My life has been pretty busy as of late and I think that it was easier to write off (excuse the sort of pun) the blog then actually sit down and put my thoughts out there. So in the immortal words of Whitesnake "Here I Go Again". *

    To update everyone on my life I guess I should go back to a little over a year ago. Derek and I got the news in January 2012 that we would have to transfer for his company. Needless to say I was a bit pissed. I had established my life and made friends in OKC. Also, I really suck at change. I HATE changing things in my personal life. I like to keep the norm, call me stale but routine is always best, for me at least. Anyway, we decided to move with the company for the sake of D's job, and we are now in Tulsa, OK.  It's been about a year since the move and life is moving a long. 

     Most things are the same with us over here. I'm still in school pursuing my Elementary Education degree at NSU. D is still doing well with work, he's stressed but loves what he does. We have made many new friends here in T-town, and we are livin' it up (till about 10 then it's off to bed). We have been enjoying nights out on Brookside and Cherry Street and backyard dinners. But there is still something missing. 

   We are blessed to have all that we do, but in my heart I know that there is a hole, and empty space that my children will eventually fill.  I would give it all up to have a baby. Absolutely all of it. This past August we had started a round of fertility treatments that were the usual cocktail of pills and hormones. For what seems like the hundredth time we started the routine of taking the pills and doing what the doctor ordered so that we could have our baby.  Time marched on from that August and I didn't think anything about it, because we have had only failure I didn't think to take a test. Well, one October night we went out to eat and I felt very queasy. I thought I had ate to much and not thought much about it. I took a  pregnancy test the next morning just for sh*** and giggles. Well we got a Big Fat Positive. YAY!!!! It was such a surprise, which in hindsight it shouldn't have been. I hadn't been feeling "myself" following up to that point, but it was Fall and I thought I was coming down with something. That whole day I was on top of the world! All my dreams had finally come true. It was my time and I was so thankful to God for this blessing he was giving me. 

   

    All day I tried to think of a way to tell D and I finally had come up with the perfect way. I went to the local party store and got two balloons, one each of  "It's a boy" and "It's a girl" then tied them down and waited, and WAITED and WAITED!!! Finally D got home! He sat down in the living room and I told him to close his eyes and handed the balloons to him. He was surprised and excited, we called his parents and mine. Everyone was excited, finally a baby for us to moon over.  D and I decided this was a night to celebrate so we started to get dress and thats when my heart started to break. I started to bleed, enough to scare me. So we rushed to the E.R, where after several hours my hopes and dreams of a baby would be dashed. I started to miscarry. That is the worse pain I could every imagine. The physical pain was horrendous, but the pain I felt in my heart was unbearable. It felt like someone had ripped open my chest and pulled out my heart.  

   Needless to say that was the hardest thing that I have ever personally been through. I have had several friends that have been through the same thing, and I have always felt so bad for them. But I fully understand the loss that they felt, until that day. It is a pain that I would wish on no one, ABSOLUTELY no one.  That was 9 months ago. We would have had our precious baby in May of this year, but God needed our baby in heaven.  I have finally come to terms with our loss. Even though it still pains me when I see a mommy pushing a newborn in a stroller or see balloons on a mailbox announcing a new arrival, I know that my God has a greater plan for me and that one day it will again be my turn. 

   After that my doctor advised that I have surgery to remove cysts and clean out my tubes. We did and I have had to wait the appropriate time to heal and recover. So now we are trying again. We just completed our first round of treatments since surgery, so we will see how it goes.  

 I have full faith in my Lord that he has a greater plan then even I could imagine. I know that my blessing will come and that it is in His time. So for now we will keep trying. 

Here I Go Again!

1 Peter 5:7

Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

OOPSIE!!!

So, Im very sorry about the abrupt end to my last post but I accidently posted it before I was done. AHHHH! Anyway like I was saying.. D and I are still trying to have a baby it's been a very emotional and spiritual adventure to say the least. But if I would take away anything that my Dad's transplant has given us (besides the transplant of course :) it's that God has a plan for everyone of us. It has also shown me patience in the Lord is something I need to master. I have to give it up to him and live and let God! I think that the stress of my dad's no longer condition will really help as well. Hopefully soon I can get on and blog all about my baby-to-be! But in the meantime I'll continue to have faith and remember that it WILL happen I just have to be patient! :)

So much to say!

I know I said a while back I'd update this thing more but well... ya know! Anyway I have so much to talk about! First off my Dad finally got his kidney/pancreas transplant. GOD IS GOOD! We got the call on January 29 of 2011. D and I were eating out and I had called my parents to chat. That's when it all started. My dad had LITERALLY just got the phone call from Baptist in Houston to hurry and get there. He and my mom were running around like crazy people trying to get there. To make a VERY long story shor, he had the surgery the following day and stayed a week in the hospital to recover. He is doing fantastic he has never felt so good in his whole life! His blood sugar is below 90 and his kidney is doing wonderful. We have been so blessed to have this miracle happen in our lives. My mom has always told me that she had to miracles happen to her in her lifetime, my brother and myself. Now she has three with my dad's new life. I just can't wait to celebrate this new lease on life with him and to know that my dad is going to be around for a lot longer.
So other than my Dad's great news..I've got some of my own. I'm going to be an aunt! Yeap my little baby brother is going to have a baby of his own. I'm not going to lie it has been a very tough pill to swallow but everyday it's getting better. I thought by this point in my life I'd be the one celebrating this good news but... nope! We are defenitly sti

Post-Thanksgiving Recovery!

About a year ago I decided that it would be a great idea to have my dad's side of the family over for Thanksgiving. Little did I know how much time and effort actually goes into pulling off such festivities. I never really thought a lot about it....till the week before. I frantically ran around my house getting things cleaned and scrubbed. Now don't get me wrong, the house was already clean, but I scrubbed like Jesus was coming over ! It was a workout to say the least. I at least had help from my very willing husband. After said scrubbing was done I sat down and decided on a menu. I meticulously planned out my grocery list and an attack plan, which I might add was executed spectacularly. Fast forward a week later, I still didn't have what THEY needed to cook the already prepared dinner that I worked 3 days on. Poor Derek made at the very least 5 trips to Wal-Mart. He is a trooper! Anyway, moving right along! So after it's all said and done we had a good meal, but no one stuck around for very long. Which made me sad. Did my cooking offend these people? Some might say I use to much salt. ( If you know me ask me about this later...this is a joke.) Ha ha ! Anyways, here we are a week from Thanksgiving and I am just getting over the hoop-la that we did! I am so glad I have a few days to myself to relax and do nothing...I mean NOTHING! I vow here and now to not even make the bed. Well, maybe I will. Jesus is watching!

My little adventures!

Ok I realized I have only posted once on this blog but I am planning to change that, so here it goes. Let me just start with saying... WOW! I thought last year was busy let me tell you all about this year. I can't believe that I've been here almost two years. Oklahoma City has given me a new lease on life, while that might sound incredibly cheesy, I have done things that I never thought I would. I have joined Jr. League, started to try for a family with Derek, and remain involved with family back home.
The most important of these was/is trying to have a baby. It all started last October when my dad took a bad turn in his health. My daddy has always been my hero and my guardian, until Derek came along of course. He has been my rock when I thought nothing in this world would go right. I have always been a daddy's girl and forever shall be. It's been hard seeing the man who taught me to do so many things be so ill. Anyway ! He's doing so much better now, better being the subjective word, even though he is still waiting on a kidney transplant.
Derek and I have always held the institution of marriage and family at a high regard. It's just the way our parents raised us. I have forever wanted to be a "house-wife and mother". While some women have high-powered office jobs, I've always thought that being a mother and wife was as equally important. SO ... Derek and I are trying to have a baby. I knew it was going to be diffucult but I had NO idea it was going to be this hard. We started on our own last October like I said and to no avail I'm still not a mommy. I have seen a lot of my friends get pregnant and most closest and best friend Meagan get to experience the new adventure of "mommy-hood". I know that it is in God's hands and that he has a plan for our family. I just feel like a failure to not be able to do this so easily, like MANY women do. So here we are a year later and nothing has happened. I don't know what the next step will be but I can only imagine it will be another adventure.

Good bye' 09!

So far this past year I have done a lot of things that I never thought I would have done at this point in my life. I've almost lost my dad several times, married a wonderful man , moved 12 hours away from anything and everything I've always known, bought my first car, bought my first house, and got a job that I absolutely love. I have been blessed so much this year and I know that I owe it all to God. I don't know how else to explain this past year other than busy.... So hopefully 2009 will always be a year that I remember with a smile. I did a lot of growing up this past year, but still I feel like a kid. I can't wait to see what 2010 has in store. I know that whatever I do, and wherever I go I will always remember this past year as "growing year". You really never what life has in store for you until it happens. People grow and change, many friends come and go, only a few of them stay and grow with you. I often look back and remember what I had always thought of how my life would end up. Trust me, it wasn't where I am today. I wish I could go back and tell the little freckled face kid what life would be like for her. I wonder if I would do anything different. Probably not. What I've done in the past, what I do today has made me who I am going to be tomorrow. I truly can't wait for 2010, if its anything like this past year, its going to be a helluva ride!